Typical Marriage

Our church has been doing a marriage series during Sunday school. We have combined two of the young adult classes and have had speakers each week to discuss different topics about marriage. This past week we had a Q and A panel with three couples. Each couple had a different story, but all had one thing in common... they had been married for 30+ years. Even the speakers the previous weeks had never faced divorce in their life. A few did mention that they came close to divorce, but none had acutely experienced the difficulty of the situation.

I found this a bit frustrating. One lady who spoke (she was a marriage counselor) quoted the statistics that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, AND that includes people in the church. So my question is... Why don't they have some kind of support structure in place for those that have experienced divorce. Especially those that have remarried and entered into the world of the "mixed family." Not, once was anyone asked about being divorced, not once did we discuss the difficulties of being divorced, not once did we bring up the idea of step families. If over 50% are experiencing divorce in their marriages they WHY do we not address the issue in church?

This is a topic that is special to me because I am part of a "mixed family." I am married to a man that has shared 10+ years of his life with another woman. I am married to a man that has two kids. I stepped into a role of being a wife and a mother to a family that was already shaped and formed, and it has not been easy! I love my husband and my step children, but this experience has not been easy. In my opinion, it has been far more difficult that a "typical marriage." In fact, there have been many days where I have said, "I wish I could just be in a "normal" relationship with "normal" problems.

Which leads me to my last point. Why don't churches offer a class, series, or conference for the "mixed family?" If 50+% of marriages end in divorce, and of those that are remarried 50+% end in divorce, then something needs to be done. We no longer have "normal" in our society so you can't preach to the normal. This is something that has developed an intense passion inside me. It is a horrible feeling when you are sitting in a large group of married couples, yet you still feel alone. If the statistic is ever going to change, we have to adjust our marriage teachings to include things like : How to adjust to a mixed family, How to parent from a non parent position, How to love someone that has shared a life with another person, How to  beat the statistic. Like I have said in previous blogs, it is always nice to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.