One of the first discoveries was that my husband and I would never have that "honeymoon" phase except on our honeymoon. We never got to experience life as a married couple without kids. After the wedding, I began to realize that this was a big deal. I had a lot of friends that were getting married and building their first house together, getting their first pet together, and going on trips together. I quickly began to realize that my husband had already done all those things. I was not HIS FIRST. This was hard for me, and I did second guess my decision to marry him. I'm not sure what finally clicked for me, but one day I realized that while my husband might have been married before, there will still be "firsts" for me and him. Slowly we have starting doing things that is "ours." Even small things like buying furniture, getting a dog, new cars and vacations. And although she got 11 years, I will get the rest of my life.Another concern was the relationship between the kids and their mother. Would I ever have to talk to her? See her? Be friends with her? She is their mom but she is also my husbands ex wife (of 11 years I might add), and I wan not sure how I felt about that. Luckily, she lives far away and stays in contact with the kids through their cell phones. We have emailed about birthday and Christmas gifts and travel arrangements but we have never had to discuss the kids. My husband handles those issues and now the kids are old enough to handle most of it on their own.
The third thing that concerned me was being their friend or their step-mom. Being a friend meant that I was someone the could have fun with. I was supposed to be cool and exciting, which I am always those things anyway, but to them they wanted fun and exciting. Being a step-mom meant that I also made rules and consequences and had expectations for them to meet. My husband helped greatly with this because from the start he explained to both of the kids that if they disrespected me, then they were disrespecting him. Because my husband travels a lot with his job, I knew just being the friend would be way to difficult to maintain order while he was away. I feel like I have parked myself somewhere in the middle. While I try to be the young and fresh parent that they can talk to about anything, I do still expect them to be respectful and carry their weight around the house. And when they do get out of line, I let my husband know and he usually handles the issue. ;)
All these were adjustments that I had to make within the first year of marriage. Some of these I still struggle with today. Overall, I will admit that I have settled into my role as a second wife and step mother rather comfortably. There will always be problems that arise, but show me a perfect family and I will show you a liar! :)
