Typical Marriage

Our church has been doing a marriage series during Sunday school. We have combined two of the young adult classes and have had speakers each week to discuss different topics about marriage. This past week we had a Q and A panel with three couples. Each couple had a different story, but all had one thing in common... they had been married for 30+ years. Even the speakers the previous weeks had never faced divorce in their life. A few did mention that they came close to divorce, but none had acutely experienced the difficulty of the situation.

I found this a bit frustrating. One lady who spoke (she was a marriage counselor) quoted the statistics that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, AND that includes people in the church. So my question is... Why don't they have some kind of support structure in place for those that have experienced divorce. Especially those that have remarried and entered into the world of the "mixed family." Not, once was anyone asked about being divorced, not once did we discuss the difficulties of being divorced, not once did we bring up the idea of step families. If over 50% are experiencing divorce in their marriages they WHY do we not address the issue in church?

This is a topic that is special to me because I am part of a "mixed family." I am married to a man that has shared 10+ years of his life with another woman. I am married to a man that has two kids. I stepped into a role of being a wife and a mother to a family that was already shaped and formed, and it has not been easy! I love my husband and my step children, but this experience has not been easy. In my opinion, it has been far more difficult that a "typical marriage." In fact, there have been many days where I have said, "I wish I could just be in a "normal" relationship with "normal" problems.

Which leads me to my last point. Why don't churches offer a class, series, or conference for the "mixed family?" If 50+% of marriages end in divorce, and of those that are remarried 50+% end in divorce, then something needs to be done. We no longer have "normal" in our society so you can't preach to the normal. This is something that has developed an intense passion inside me. It is a horrible feeling when you are sitting in a large group of married couples, yet you still feel alone. If the statistic is ever going to change, we have to adjust our marriage teachings to include things like : How to adjust to a mixed family, How to parent from a non parent position, How to love someone that has shared a life with another person, How to  beat the statistic. Like I have said in previous blogs, it is always nice to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Survived

Well, I managed to survive the first volleyball tournament as a team mom. The girls did great and the food table was a success. Team mom is a whole new experience for me. It is a different perspective on the game. I would love to be out on that court coaching and motivating, but instead I have to keep my mouth shut and motivate from the bleachers. It was also confirmed this weekend that your kids do not want your opinion. They may ask for it, but that doesn't mean they really care about what you have to say. You are better off the just keep your mouth shut and use words like, "You did awesome" or "You will do better next time."

We have two weeks until the next tournament, which means I get a little time to recuperate.

Days Go By

Well, almost a week has gone by since my last post. As I get older I am amazed at how fast the time passes. Somedays go by so quickly that I wish I could rewind and enjoy more time with my family, with friends, for myself. Nothing new has happened in the Cason family. Just the usual busy life that keeps me running around in circles. Trey is approaching the end of swimming season. He will swim in the district meet next week. Kaylynn has her first volleyball tournament this weekend and we are excited to be a prat of that. I am starring in a new role this season, Team Mom! I have always been the coach or the player, so this is all very strange to me. So far, so good!

My RA is feeling better but still not great. I'm headed back to the doctor in February to have some more tests done and adjust my meds if things don't get better. I have still been trying to stay active and eat healthy, in hopes that those things will help my quality of life. Sometimes, I feel like they are and sometimes I want to lay in bed all day! So, I try to stay positive and busy to help pass the time!

Defeated

I am struggling today. I body is exhausted. I went to the gym and today was an arm workout, which I hate because my arms are so weak. I woke up with a sore wrist and my usually sore elbow, shoulder, and collar bone. I got up, got dressed, grabbed some food and was out the door. Once at the gym, I was exhausted and my arms felt so weak. It even hurt my hands to hold the weights. I think I managed to go 5lbs on almost every exercise. Then, today was a running day. My feel were also sore this morning (which is not usual) and I could feel it when I ran. I was not able to run the length of time I had hoped, but I did say on the treadmill for the entire 30 min. It's so frustrating for someone who is used to being so active. I simple cannot do it! I want to so badly, but I physically can't. And I even took the day off yesterday!!

Maybe it is because today is my injection day. It has been two weeks since I took my meds. Hopefully by this weekend I start feeling a little better. I hate this stupid disease, and I hate the limitations that come along with it. My plan for the rest of the day is to take it easy. Hopefully tomorrow will bring some sunshine to my cloudy day.

Snow Day

Well, it is officially a snow day! School is cancelled, the gym was closed and icicle are formed on all the rooftops. Days like these remind me of growing up in Texas with occasional snow days. We would always hook up that old tractor hood to the 4 wheeler and spend all day throwing each other off.  We had challenges to see who could bounce the most snow off the trampoline in one bounce. And we raced down the ice covered hay bails trying not to slip and fall. So funny all the things you think of when your a kid. We would spend hours out in the freezing cold and never realize that we were soaking wet and numb to the bone.

Now, I enjoy my snow days a bit differently. I love to slip into my cozy sweats and snuggle on the couch. I enjoy sipping on a good cup of hot chocolate and listening to the fire crackle. I love the feeling of a hot bath and a warm robe at night, then a good nights sleep under my fluffy down comforter. All the while, the blinds are open so I can enjoy the view of the snow covered ground and dripping icicles while it lasts. I hope everyone is warm this winter and creating memories that last a lifetime.

Hope

Well, I went to the doctor today and she agreed that my RA is not under control. She gave me the option of changing my biologic or staying on Humira and adding methotrexate. I decided to stay with the Humira and add the mx. I am also still taking the prednisone :( but hopefully this new combination of drugs will help.

I did feel a sense of hope this am with the doctor. I was comforted by the fact that she did not accept the idea that I was still having pain. She mentioned that her goal is no pain. She also said that we would figure out the right combination of things eventually, and that's what her job was. This was my third apt with her and I finally felt like she understood my pain and was on my side. I am hopeful that this new combination of meds will help. Yesterday I couldn't even feed myself with my right hand because my elbow was so sore. I know that I cannot handle very many repeats of a day like that!

She also mentioned that one day RA doctors hope to be able to pinpoint the exact gene that causes symptoms and conquer that sucker before it can even cause problems. Wouldn't that be great! They may even have a vaccine for RA one day. It would have been nice to have known that I was genetically predisposed to the disease. Maybe I could have done things to prevent the onset. For now, I have to live with it and try to outsmart my immune system.

I head back to the doctor in 4 weeks for more blood work and a check up on the new meds. Hopefully I will see a difference between now and then!

Down and Out

Today has been a rough day for some reason. First off, I am so tired and I have no idea why. I haven't been able to fall asleep at night and once I am asleep I cannot wake up in the morning. I am also overwhelmed at the amount of things that need to be done around the house. I did manage to clean the bedroom, but when you wrist and elbow hurt it makes lifting and moving things extremely difficult. In my head I am motivated to clean, cook, exercise, read, and complete other activities. But, when I start them they aren't as enjoyable as I would hope because I hurt. Even typing this blog hurts. How frustrating! I am also feeling a little sad because I have been surrounded by people throughout the holidays and felt so much love. Now that I am back to reality, I feel somewhat alone. I miss old friends and family so much!

New Year Resolutions

2011 will bring on many new things for me and my family. My husband and I always make a resolutions list and save it on our computer. This year some of mine include: fitting into old jeans, read the whole bible,  run a half marathon and continue to manage the pain of RA. What are some of your resolutions?